meaningless

meaningless

Eight stars shine over the river and count the
hours that I’ve wasted being honest
to myself and as I zoom in on the smallest,
I notice how delicately it flickers and how dangerously
it burns.
I keep saying I’m scared of abandonment but it’s
you that I’m afraid of, my lungs never breathed as
weakly
as they do in your gaze and as sadly
as they do in the follow of your grip.
I’m not strong enough to admit that I’m not
good enough,
that I’m not worth
the effort,
but I tried to open my mouth and scream
out the skeletons and it never changed anything,
did it?
It never did anything.
The eight-year-old inside of
me keeps telling me to have
faith,
but there are at least seven major
scars on my body and three of those
almost killed me,
so why do I pretend that any piece of her
still exists?
Stop saying I’m stronger,
Stop saying that love is beauty,
Stop saying you can be the better person,
sweetheart,
you know me.
Scared of forgetting what it’s like to feel,
you know me,
Lacking of composure, of compassion, of comfort,
you know me,
You know me.
Eight stars shine over the river and count
how many idiots feel
love and laugh because their supernova will
not
be meaningless,

but I will be.

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